** WARNING, reading this recap will most likely cause you uncontrollable laughter, so if you’re reading this in a public place, it might cause others to think you’re a bit weird. So if you’re reading this alone, go somewhere public, like right now. We’re all a little weird, let’s embrace it **

Previously on GZSZ…Jasmin’s little mistake took out the model for the photo shoot and after much thinking, Katrin and Maren decided to use Jasmin instead. The client was so impressed, he offered her a whole perfume campaign, with one condition, that she hides who she is BAM!

Ep 5579

So Katrin has just told Jasmin that in order to land the campaign she must hide who she is and pretend she is single and straight. What the what? Jasmin is shocked, and tells Katrin that there are plenty of gays and lesbians in the fashion industry. Katrin tells her they are not discriminating against her personally, that they have developed a concept for this perfume and it has to be served. “Sexy woman gets all the men with the sexy fragrance. Not all the women”. Ummm speak for yourself Katrin…I bet this perfume would bring ALL the girls to Jasmin’s yard…and that would make for a HELL of a better ad campaign I think!!

TAKE ALL MY MONEY NOW!!!

So Jasmin replies to Katrin with “Yes, but wouldn’t that be something?!” Yes, yes it would Jasmin! I wanna see that! She tells Katrin that it just wouldn’t be right to hide who she is. Katrin tries to play the sympathy card and tells Jasmin that she understands that it’s tough for her but in the end she doesn’t HAVE to take the job. She also tells her that this is not about changing the world, it’s just advertising. Oh well screw this then, let’s go home Jasmin! Katrin adds, oh and A SHIT TON of money. Still not interested, sorry….wait how much money we talkin’ about here?

20,000??? Ummm…let me just think about…hang on there…NO! No, she still won’t do it! I see what you did there Katrin…but it ain’t gonna work…NO SIR! Not unless another storyline SUDDENLY emerges that just so happens to need a large sum of cash!  And like what are the chances of that happening?

Katrin tells Jasmin that if she decides to take it, it could only be the beginning of a LOOONG nationwide campaign, so she should think it over VERY carefully. Jasmin tells her that she has no problems shooting with a guy but what she does in her personal life is nobody’s business. Katrin tells her that they would be hiring her as a testimonial, her face would be representing Not-So Straight Forward, and she would have no personal life except at home. She also reminds Jasmin that it was the same when she was married to Kurt, she was also selling her image then. Jasmin tells Katrin that she remembers and that it sucked. Katrin tells Jasmin to go and talk it over with Anni, but she just shakes her head and tells Katrin that she won’t do it, she loves Anni and everyone can know. Awwww….GO JASMIN!

Cut to the cafe where everything is covered in plastic and most of the furniture is gone. Hmmm that’s probably gonna cost quite a lot of money to fix up…just sayin. Anyways, Anni remarks 20,000 for a bit of posing? She must be doing something wrong. Jasmin reminds Anni that the job is still up for grabs and Anni tells her that her father would be super proud if she did it and that she’d finally be straight. Hmmm wonder what that would look like…

Photo by Christina Geiger

Ummmmm *shakes head* yeah let’s not go there.

Anni yells out to Mieze and Jonas, who are helping with the clean up, if they want some coffee. They do and yell back their orders. I’ll have one too! I’ve been writing all these recaps this week half asleep as I work away on night shifts *yawn* Anni tells Jasmin that the money would be cool though and that Jasmin could finish her internship and take time to figure out what she wants to do with her life. She tells Anni that she would be selling her soul and that she can’t just be protesting against a homophobic jerk one minute and then turn straight the next. Anni says that she supports her and thinks it’s great that she won’t do it. She jokes that having sex with a top model, though, would have been hot. As she says this, Mieze notices Jonas who is staring at them like every teenage boy would…we would NEVER stare like this…ever…no sir…not us…

Anni goes to kiss Jasmin all smiling and happy but Jasmin stops her at the last second and Anni’s reaction is priceless…

Awwww hahahaha! Too cute! Meanwhile, Jonas is still staring away…creep. Jasmin tells Anni that she couldn’t go without it (sex) anyways but Anni says that she could do it easy peasy. Oh whatever Anni, you lie.

Cut to a bit later on and everyone is back at the cafe. Jasmin tells them that MT sent her home right after noon and that she’s good enough to model for them but not to be an intern. Nik tells her that it’s their gain then. Just then Tuner comes down the stairs and they ask him how he is. He says he’s fine except for the fact that he’ll lose 10,000 Euros over the coming weeks. RUH ROH! That’s a lot of money! We find out that the insurance won’t cover anything but that Leon will cover the costs of the renovations. He tells them that they will find a solution, hopefully before they go broke. Cue shots of concerned soap faces and dramatic music.

Tuner tells them that he’s probably going to sell his shares, since he can’t really work anymore and the Scooby gang are all NO NO, you can’t sell it, we’ll work it all out! Tuner leaves and everyone in the room still has their concerned faces on. Frustrated, Anni yells out “Can’t somebody give Tuner 20,000 Euro for everything he’s going though at the moment?” HEY NOW ANNI! Did you just take your BOOTHAUS (Behaving-oddly-only-to-highlight-an-upcoming-storyline) pill again? She even looks at Jasmin as she says this! What the hell was that? You know Jasmin just got offered that EXACT amount, and you both discussed how she wasn’t going to do it. You are not helping with this sentence right now Anni!

Cut to the apartment where Anni is cleaning up and Jasmin arrives home with some sushi. Anni looks super excited about getting some of that sushi IN HER BELLY!

Jasmin asks Anni what she thinks about them having a fundraiser for Tuner at the cafe but judging by the face Anni pulls, she think’s its a terrible idea. Jasmin concedes that they probably won’t be able to raise 10,000 euros that way. Anni suggests that they could just make out at home? YES! For the love of all things good, YES! Make out at home! In fact, make out right now! Oh wait…I think she was referring to the fact that she thinks that Jasmin should do the modelling job. What the what Anni?

Jasmin asks Anni if that could really work? No, no that won’t work Jasmin! Totally bad idea! Don’t even think about doing it. Anni asks Jasmin how long the photo shoot would take and Jasmin tells her only a few days but the campaign would take 3 months! Aw hell no! I’m out. Hiding who you are for 3 whole months? COME ON NOW! Anni tells her that it would suck but it wouldn’t be THAT bad.Oh come on Anni…no kissing Jasmin, no holding her hand, no touching, not even loving gazes at her for 3 whole months?!! Jasmin tells her that she thinks it’s just wrong, that she loves Anni and will stand by her. AWWW! That’s it Jasmin, use your common sense and heart in this matter! Anni grins at her and tells her that nobody is asking her to say all lesbians suck, she just has to pretend to be single for 3 months. I see that BOOTHAUS pill is finally kicking in there. Anni tells Jasmin that she’s OK with the whole thing and that it’s all for Tuner. OK OK, I get it Anni…you want to do this whole thing out of your love for your friend Tuner. I guess that’s sweet…OK, it IS sweet…OK you’re forgiven. She tells Jasmin that she will take her on a vacation when it’s all over, somewhere by the sea, to some shack. Jasmin tells her only if it’s a round the world trip. YES! Come via Australia please? K, thanks! Anni tells her that they’ll go round the world, but only if she can bring her rainbow coloured suitcase! BWAHAHA!

Cut back the cafe and Tuner is super surprised that Jasmin wants to lend him 10,000 euros. Nik asks her if she’s joined the Mafia to have that much money and Anni tells them almost, she’s a model now. Jasmin tells them it’s for a perfume campaign and that they are paying her so much money that she doesn’t know what to do with it. Uh huh, yeah right…but it’s sweet of you to say that. Nik is excited but Tuner is still not convinced. He doesn’t know when he’s be able to pay her back. Jasmin tells him not to worry about it, she’ll just grab herself a few free drinks. HAHA! That’s a whole LOT of free drinks Jasmin!

She tells them they will settle the rest later, but Tuner says that won’t work for him. Jasmin just wants him to take the money and even Nik tells Tuner that they can figure out a way to pay her back somehow. He finally gives in and they all look super relieved and happy. He asks them if they happen to have a heart for him too? Awwww! Jasmin sweetly hugs Tuner and then we get this amazingly sweet look that she gives Anni…it’s almost like it’s at this moment that she realises just how much she loves Anni and how hard the next 3 months are going to be…

Cut to MT where Anni and Jasmin are being lead into Katrin’s office by Katrin. She tells them that the contract clauses are non negotiable. Jasmin says she knows about no kissing and no holding hands in public. But Katrin also adds no statements to either the press or on social media and that from today Jasmin is officially straight and single. Ugh..I don’t like this, not one little bit! Jasmin says she will wear nothing else but Straight Forward all day and night. Anni asks what it smells like but Jasmin is quick to point out that she will only have to endure it for 3 months. Katrin jumps in and corrects Jasmin, that’s it’s actually 4 months for now but the contract has the option to extend it. Anni and Jasmin both look stunned. Katrin has to step out of the room, so she tells them to read over the contract carefully. Katrin reminds them that if Jasmin breaches the contract she would lose not only the payment but would also have to pay a fee. RUH ROH! Are you guys SUPER sure you want to do this??

Jasmin finds the total duration in the contract…its 9 MONTHS! 9 MONTHS YOU GUYS! You could get pregnant and have a baby in that time…thats a LOOOONG assed time. DON’T DO IT! Tuner would understand! They could all find another way to help him! Don’t sign it! Jasmin apologises to Anni saying she had no idea it would be for THAT long! But poor Anni just sits there nodding.

Jasmin asks her if she thinks they can actually pull it off and Anni tells her yes, or does she want to tell Tuner that he doesn’t get his money? Jasmin says no.

You guys, this scene is breaking my heart. Jasmin’s concerned face, Anni’s sighing and heartbreaking face! GAH! I don’t like this at all!

Jasmin tries to see the positive side of it and tells Anni that they’ll just stay home EVERY night, Anni laughs and says “For 9 months!” She tells Jasmin that she’s a top model now and jokingly fake punches her shoulder. Jasmin quickly asks Anni to pass her the pen and sensible Anni is all “No! You’re going to read it thoroughly first!!” But I have the feeling that Jasmin just wants to get it over and done with fast before she decides to change her mind. So she asks Anni for the pen again more forcefully. Anni begrudgingly gives it to her, shaking her head.

As Jasmin quickly signs the contract she says “For Tuner!”. NOOOO Jasmin! What have you done?! What have you doooone?!

** This recap proudly brought to you by the hoards of girls Jasmin could bring to her yard if they just changed who the perfume was marketed at **